“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

My oldest son Jess laughs about me only telling him no three times in his life.  (Maybe I wasn’t the toughest parent!)

Looking back, each “no” had a different basis.  One no was to him getting a dog, and it was purely selfish on my part.  I didn’t think I could handle the work of an indoor dog (even though, he was going to do all of the work. 😉) Another no was allowing him to go on an overnight high school band trip when he was a sixth grader.  It was a decision based on his safety, and I stand by it! 

The third no was to his request to get his hair highlighted when he was in 5thgrade.  This is the one I want to talk about.  

This week I was thinking about the importance of being yourself.  My thoughts actually grew out of reminiscing about my fourth-grade school picture when I wore a bandana in my hair.  (It was definitely unusual – it also was my dad’s favorite picture of me, and he carried it in his wallet until he died.)  The point is that as a fourth grader, and I think I was pretty comfortable in my own skin.  I feel fortunate that for most of my life, I have been comfortable doing things my way.

So was I wrong to not let Jess express his individuality and highlight his hair?  Not that I can go back and change it, but I’m still okay with the decision.  I think as parents we have to give our children freedom of expression, but also boundaries.  Given I only told him no three times, I think I gave him plenty of freedom!  Bill at 22 is letting his curly brown hair grow long enough to put in a pony tail, and I am fine with him being himself.  Do I just like Bill more?  Have I eased up in my old age?  Or is it the difference in being 11 or 22?  I will go with the last one!  As parents, we balance setting boundaries and working within societal norms with encouraging authenticity.  Our hope is always that we set them on a path of good decision making for a lifetime, with enough self-confidence to be true to themselves.  Teachers face the same struggle with their students.

We truly are all unique individuals, and although we say it and know it is true, it isn’t always easy to act on.  Being true to ourselves is a gift we can give to the world and a way to a happier more productive life!  

                                        Be you, and have a great week!

                                                                                                Mary